Chaos
by Diedre D'Nai
Summary: Sollux, moments after Aradiabot explodes, slightly A.U. songfic: Chaos by Mutemath


**Complication is my claim to fame  
>I can't believe there' s another, constantly just another<br>and I can't avoid what I can't control  
>I'm losing ground, still I can't stand down<br>I Know, yeah I know… Yeah**

"A...Aradia?" Sollux stared in horror at the black stain that was all that remained of Aradiabot. He could still feel her cold metal arms wrapped around his body. He looked around wide-eyed at the other stunned trolls. Equius looked like he was going to cry, Nepeta holding on to his sleeve gently. Sollux looked over and saw Feferi begin to move towards him, worry in her sunken yellow eyes. Karkat's jaw was on the floor, the psionic could practically see the stream of expletives starting to surge up his throat. Taking a staggered breath, Sollux looked at the soot on his hands and felt tears start to well up in his eyes. No...not Aradia...not again. Images, memories, recollections of entwined fingers and heartbeats echoed in blue and red through Sollux's mind. Without a word, he dashed from the room and locked himself in an adjacent closet.

* * *

><p><em>apocalypseArisen began trolling twinArmageddons at 11:01<br>__AA: s0llux? are y0u there?  
><em>_TA: ye2 what ii2 iit aa  
><em>_AA: i wanted t0 ask y0u s0mething  
><em>_TA: what  
><em>_AA: i kn0w we're friends and all but we've never actually just hung 0ut d0 y0u want t0?  
>AA: i've g0t s0me free time t0m0rr0w and th0ught it w0uld be fun t0 hang 0ut.<br>AA: i've g0t s0me things fr0m the latest dig site if y0u'd prefer t0 be pr0ductive instead  
><em>_TA: that 2ound2 fun aa iid liike two ju2t hang out but where would we meet  
><em>_AA: i can meet y0u at y0ur hive if thats 0k 0r we can meet here really anywhere is 0k with me  
><em>_TA: let2 meet here ii dont want two leave my moron lu2u2 alone for two long  
>TA: do you need diirectiion2<br>__AA: n0. i can find it find 0n my 0wn...  
><em>_TA: ii2 2omethiing on your miind aa  
><em>_AA: n0t really im just l00king f0rward t0 seeing y0u f0r s0mething 0ther than business 0.0 its kind 0f strange__  
>TA: ye2 but iitll bee fun<br>__AA: yes it will but then again we b0th already knew that right  
><em>_TA: ye2_

Sollux signed off of his trollian account and looked around his messy hive. It'd been a long time since he had had anyone over. Last time it had been KK and they had just played video games (KK sucked a them). Somehow, Sollux got the feeling that video games weren't going to interest Aradia terribly much. He made a show of tidying up the apartment and then went up too the roof to feed his idiot of a lusus. The bi-clops devoured the mind honey with fervor. "Idiot." Sollux sighed to himself.

* * *

><p><strong>I know you stay true when my world is false<br>everything around's breaking down to chaos  
>I always see you when my sight is lost<br>everything around's breaking down to chaos**_  
><em>

* * *

><p><em>"Knock. Knock." Sollux pulled himself out of bed and answered the door in his red and blue pajama pants. Aradia was standing in the doorway holding a captcha card, her lusus following close at the hem of her skirt.<br>"Here." she smiled, "I brought you something."  
>"What ith it?" Sollux inquired taking the card. It contained a set of throwing stars. He smiled and pulled them out, playing with the weight.<br>"They're symmetrical," Aradia said with a gentle shrug of her shoulders,  
>"Reminded me of you." Sollux watched the gentle slope as it moved and felt his heart quiver slightly. "Thankth." He grinned, "I withh i had gotten you thomething too."<br>"I found them in Flarp with Tavros. I thought you might like them." She walked in and sat down on the corner of her bed.  
>"Howth that going, anyway?" He briefly recalled a conversation in which Karkat had been complaining about everyone playing 'games for girls'. Aradia smiled,<br>"Its a lot of fun, or at least would be if we didn't have to deal with the scourge sisters muddling everything up."  
>"Thcourge Thithterth?" Sollux tried to pronounce the name, and immediately regretted it, "thupid lithp." he sulked.<br>"I like your lisp." Aradia said with a bit of a grin, "Anyway, its Terezi and Vriska's team, they've been causing nothing but trouble for Tavros and I."  
>"Thuck." He set the captcha card down on his desk, "Why even play then?"<br>"Tavros finds it enjoyable, and so do I."  
>"You too seem to be quite a pair." He gestured over to the computer, "I don't have much to do bethideth video gameth thadly."<br>"Sounds fun." _

* * *

><p><strong>I know you stay true when my world is false<br>everything around's breaking down to chaos  
>I always see you when my sight is lost<br>everything around's breaking down to chaos  
><strong>

* * *

><p>She had been terrible at video games, but seemed to realize that before hand and just enjoyed herself regardless. Sollux looked down at the throwing stars in his strife specibus and took another hard breath.<br>"Sollux?" Karkat's voice drifted through the door as he kicked it, causing Sollux to jump, "Are you alright."  
>"I'm fine KK." Sollux lied, wiping yellow years out of his eyes, "Jutht looking for thomething."<br>"In the closest? That is the worst fucking lie ever."  
>"Thut up, KK." There was an audible sigh from outside.<br>"What the fuck ever Captor, but Feferi is 'glubbing' into a panic or whatever out here and Equius looks furious." Karkat paused and added, "Not that that's unusual."

* * *

><p><strong>It's hard to trust anyone again<br>after all the let downs I've been through,  
>haunted by what I've been through<br>Air's still trapped, while I still can't breathe  
>and I'm screaming out, give me help somehow<br>I know, yeah I know… Yeah**

* * *

><p><em>' They were hanging out again, for no reason other than the joy of the others company. Sollux flushed yellow as Aradia leant over his shoulder to see what he was working on. The voices in his head whispered that it could never work out. He thought about shelving his flushed feelings and just being palemates. Less than ideal, but...less risk of being rejected completely, right? He had never flushed red before, never even had leanings. But Aradia was...well, she was Aradia.<br>"AA?"  
>"Yeah?" She turned her head and smiled at him as he swiveled the chair around to face her. Shyly at first, Sollux extended one hand and brushed her hair back behind the elegantly twisting horns on her forehead. She blushed, a rusty tinge coming to her cheeks. For a moment the nay-saying voices shut up.<br>_'Its now or never.' _He thought, he grabbed her head gently and pressed a quick pair of kisses to her lips before pulling away as though he had been shocked. Aradia's face was bright rust.  
>"Thorry." He apologized as quickly as he could, "I jutht..." To his surprise Aradia grabbed the arms of his chair and pressed their lips together again, hard enough that Sollux half-worried his lips would bruise. She kissed him twice in rapid succession, mimicking his earlier action and sending dual shivers down his spine. All hesitation vanished, and Sollux reached out both hands to pull Aradia's slender frame onto his lap. Her hands rested softly on his chest, his around her waist. Her tongue darted playfully into his mouth, dancing against his own. She pulled away and pulled his glasses off, staring into his mismatched eyes and smiling as she set them behind him. She was so light, so perfectly built.<br>"AA..."  
>"Hmm?"<br>"I think I'm waxing red for you." he whispered into the nape of her neck, leaving kisses behind. Aradia let out a soft moan,  
>"You think?"<em>

* * *

><p><em> ' <em>**I know you stay true when my world is false  
>everything around's breaking down to chaos<br>I always see you when my sight is lost  
>everything around's breaking down to chaos<strong>

* * *

><p>It was fitting, now that he was forced to think about it. The woman he loved had died in his arms twice now. At least this time there had been a chance to say goodbye. At least this time he was pretty sure it was neither his nor Vriska's fault. He had been angry, really angry, when he found out about her and Equius. But then...they were never officially matesprites anyway, there hadn't been time for that. And FF was kind and sweet and cared about him. Sollux buried his face in his hands. He didn't want to exist any more.<p>

There was another kick at the door, but this time the foot came through the thin metal and Equius' voice rang through the tiny closest.  
>"Peasant-Blood!" The other troll snarled, "What did you do to Aradia?" Sollux huddled closer to himself,<br>"Nothing."  
>"Then why did she explode?" Sollux didn't have an answer.<br>"LEAVE HIM ALONE YOU RAGING ASSHOLE!" Karkat screamed, Sollux took a deep, steadying breath as he heard Equius leave the room, undoubtably with Nepeta in tow.

* * *

><p><strong>I know you stay true when my world is false<br>everything around's breaking down to chaos  
>I always see you when my sight is lost<br>everything around's breaking down to chaos**

* * *

><p>He wiped the tears out of his eyes and replaced his glasses. It was ok, Aradia had come back before, she might again. He stood up and opened the closet door only to find Feferi standing nearby twiddling her fingers.<br>"Are you alright, Sollux?" The heiress asked, concern written all over her face. He forced himself to nod, not wanting to upset her further. "We can talk about it if you want." She extended a hand, "Gamzee is only charging a boondollar a piece to nap in his horn pile."  
>"If you want FF." He took the offered palm and walked to the pile with Feferi.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Chaos, chaos<br>I know you stay true.  
>I know you stay. <strong>

* * *

><p><em>' twinArmageddons began trolling apocalypseArisen at 2:27 am<br>__TA: are you up aa  
>TA: ii know it2 really late but ii wanted two talk two you<br>__AA: im up whats b0thering y0u s0llux  
><em>_TA: ii wa2 ju2t worriied about today wa2 ii out of liine are we ok  
>TA: ii mean ii meant iit earliier about waxiing red for you<br>TA: but iid bee totally ok wiith a pale relatiion2hiip two iif that2 what you want  
><em>_AA: y0u w0rry t00 much s0llux  
>AA: y0u didnt m0ve t00 fast and i think we c0uld definitly try flushed<br>AA: i kissed y0u back remember  
><em>_TA: oh ye2, ii remember ii wiill liikely alway2 remeber that  
>TA: ii ju2t have thii2 horriible feeliing that iit2 all goiing two end iin dii2a2ter<br>__AA: me t00 but i think itll w0rk 0ut s0meh0w  
><em>_TA: how can you bee sure aa  
>TA: do your voiices see iit workiing<br>__AA: i cant be sure s0llux but i care ab0ut y0u and want it t0 all be 0k,  
>AA: despite what i feel 0r what any pessimistic v0ices say<br>__TA: thank2 aa ii feel better now  
>TA: 2ee you soon<br>__AA: lets plan 0n next week we can meet here and y0u can help me with the new site i f0und  
>AA: 0r we c0uld d0 s0mething else<br>__TA: 2ound2 good  
>TA: good niight aa<br>TA: 3  
><em>_AA: 3 night s0llux_

apocalypseArisen stopped trolling twinArmageddons at 3:30 am  
>He wouldn't see Aradia alive again. He woke up two days later outside her hive clutching a broken jar of mind honey in his right hand.<br>"AA?" he called out, confused and terrified. "AA?" He saw an arm lying in the debris and ran towards it, pulling hunks of hive off the broken body of his matesprite. "AA?" He pulled her frail body into his lap and brushed the hair back out of her eyes, "Pleathe don't be dead." she wasn't breathing, but her eyes opened and met his.  
>"Its a bit late for that." She admitted, hovering back away from him, "Are you back to yourself?"<br>"I...I don't know what happened." He admitted sadly, looking up at his floating dead matesprite, "But...you're...you're dead." She nodded, "And I have thith broken jar of mind honey...and..." realization spread over Sollux's face like wild-fire, "I killed you. Jeguth, I'm tho thorry AA." Yellow tears dripped down his cheeks, "I'm tho thorry."  
>"It's ok." her voice was dull and expressionless, "Wasn't your fault."<br>"Vrithka..."  
>"Its ok." Aradia shrugged her spectral shoulders, "it was bound to happen eventually. I'm strangely at peace with it all." She pressed a quick, single kiss to his forehead, "I think this is what the voices were warning us about."<p>

* * *

><p><strong>I know you stay true when my world is false<br>everything around's breaking down to chaos  
>I know you stay<br>**

* * *

><p>He was in pain. A lot of pain actually. Everything hurt. He vaguely remembered being in a fight with Eridan, but couldn't remember what had happened through the wall of agony seeping through him.<br>"Are you alright?" A familiar voice drifted over to him, Sollux tried to open his eyes, but everything was dark.  
>"I can't see." he said, and then stopped, "See." Holy fuck, he was blind and his lisp was gone.<br>"Your eyes are missing, Sollux," that voice again he knew that voice, "Actually, so are your teeth. You look like hell."  
>"AA?"<br>"I'm here." A hand touched his cheek, warm and solid.  
>"You're alive?"<br>"Very much alive." She let out a laugh, "And I intend to stay that way." He felt something warm on his lips, a kiss, followed by a second in rapid succession. He flushed bright yellow, enfolding the shape of Aradia in his arms. He stroked her hair, reveling in the sensation that is touch without sight. Her face was soft and smiling, her hair tucked back behind some manner of fabric.  
>"I wish I could see you."<br>"It's a dream," Aradia said, he felt her arms around his neck, "But I'll see you in person again soon." She smiled and traced the line from his ear down his neck, "Not that you'll see me," she teased playfully.  
>"Equius misses you." It hurt his heart to say it, but he thought of Feferi and how she must feel, and despite being a prick, Equius was in the flushed quadrant with Aradia.<br>"I know." She kissed his cheek, "But this is a dream, for the two of us," she snuggled against him, "We can deal with everything else when we wake up."

* * *

><p><strong>ii know you 2tay true when my world ii2 fal2e<br>everythiing around2 breakiing down two chao2  
>ii alway2 2ee you when my 2iight ii2 lo2t<br>everythiing around2 breakiing down two chao2**


End file.
